An EnoggEggbert Invitation

A Date With Karma

Copyright 2007 (Formerly Spirit On Board)

You are cordially invited to join EnoggEggbert in A Date With Karma, a humorous play involving three men, two which are not entirely in human form that challenge Sri Holy Man to take a deeper look at his rigid belief system. The play opens with EnoggEggbert at the Pearly Gates trying to enlist a few good spirits for her play.

The humorous play, A Date With Karma, includes rich dialogue that delves into the intricacies of Sri Holy Man's rigid belief system. As two spirits challenge the self-professed holy man to look deeper into his beliefs, we learn that Spirit is not always on board.

ACT 1: CASTING CALL

Pearly Gates

Actors:

EE & Peter

EE: Hello? Am I at the Pearly Gates? Did I finally get here?

Peter: Yes this is the Pearly Gates. Can’t you tell?

EE: I wasn’t sure where I was. I was hoping you could help me. (Glancing around) Nice gates by the way.

Peter: I could help but you have one big problem.

EE: What’s that?

Peter: You’re not dead.

EE: Well of course I am not dead! I am an Egg. Eggs don’t die.

Peter: I only deal with dead people.

EE: I was told you had the keys to the kingdom.  Look, I have made it this far maybe you can put a call out or send me in the right direction. I am looking for a few spirits.

Peter: Who sent you?

EE: SAG

Peter: Oh! Spirit Actors Guild? Why didn’t you say so?

EE: (Breathing a sigh of relief) Well, if you don’t mind, I would like to have access to the SAG files. I am looking for a few good characters for a play.

Peter: I should think you would have enough characters down there.

(Pointing to earth)

EE: Well, I thought it would be interesting to add a few dead body-types to the play. Liven it up a bit.

Peter: (Laughing and jiggling his key chain) It sounds interesting. What are you looking for?

EE: (Wetting big red lips) I need a funny man and an ascended master.

Peter: We have a few of them up here.

EE: Great! If the “Big Guy” isn’t too busy, maybe he wouldn’t mind doing a cameo. You know, come down in his long flowing robe and bless us all or something.

Peter: I have news for you.

EE: News? What kind of news?

Peter: The “Big Guy” is not a “he”.

EE: Yes, right, I was just using a little earth lingo. So the Big Guy is really a “She”?

Peter: More like a “Big She”.

EE: Did you just say, “bitchy?”

Peter: (Waiving hand dismissively in air) Close enough.

EE: (Pausing) Yeah, well, I guess all the human suffering, wars and disasters are keeping Her a bit busy.

Peter: More like She’s getting bored with the same ole stories.

EE: She’s Bored? Wow, that’s a little hard to imagine. (Musing to self) Imagine that, Gods bored!

Peter: Why do you think you’re here?

EE: Because I’m bored?

Peter: Precisely.

EE: Sounds a little pathetic.

Peter: How do you think creation gets started?

EE: With an Egg?

Peter: Well yes, an Egg is one place that creation can start. But what happens if your God and you have already done everything there is to do?

EE: (Thinking) God’s bored?

Peter: Precisely

EE: So THAT’S how it all started… boredom?

Peter: How do you think I got the keys to the kingdom?

EE: That’s a good question. I’m not sure how you got the keys to the Kingdom; I read somewhere that you betrayed Christ three times.

Peter: Everyone blames the betrayal of Christ on Judas, but I did it too!

EE: So you were in on it too?

Peter: Precisely.

EE: Let me get this straight. You betrayed Jesus and then in turn Jesus gives you the keys to the kingdom? I am not going to get very far making that story right for prime time.

Peter: Why not? We did!

EE: (Flabbergasted) Holy Shit.

Peter: Precisely.

(EE would sit down on something but frankly (and be warned) there are not many chairs outside the Pearly Gates so EE had to stand through all of this.)

Peter: We were bored just hanging around as heavenly Spirits. We needed to make a good story to give meaning to our lifetimes on earth.

EE: But you betrayed Jesus Christ then you also became the first Pope. You must have had a good agent or publicist.

Peter: We had The Big She!  (Pausing) Word-of-mouth worked just fine spreading the story. We wrote a few books too. It made the drama get real big.

EE: So God is into Public Relations?

Peter: She's a modern day Marketing Wizard!

EE: I am amazed! But how did you get the keys to the kingdom?

Peter: When you have a good PR Women on your side, there is not much you can’t do!

EE: But betrayal, isn’t that, well, you know… (What am I doing judging the Judge at the Pearly Gates?)

Peter: I told Jesus that I would betray him during his stint on earth and no one would blame or judge me for it. Judas would get all the blame. He was thrilled with my inventive twist to the story and he agreed to reward me with the keys to the kingdom.

EE: Wait. Why didn’t you get judged or blamed? Does forgiveness have a big role in all of this?

Peter: Hardly, we agreed to our story beforehand so there was nothing to forgive. It certainly got everyone’s attention for a long, long time.

EE: You wanted to be remembered?

Peter: Yes, what better way to be remembered then through a good story?

EE: Well, it sure did work. Your little divine crew left one hell of a legacy for the human.

Peter: You like? We done good? It sure did go to hell after 2000 years. Wouldn’t you say?

EE: But still, you were never judged and blamed for your betrayals and now you are the Supreme Judge.

Peter: Yes, that makes perfectly good sense to me.

EE: Why didn’t history judge you harshly? Why did Judas get all the blame?

Peter: That’s where the story took on a new meaning and moved away from the original message.

EE: What was the original message?

Peter: It’s very simple. There is no judgment. There is no such thing as forgiveness. There's really nothing to judge or forgive.

EE: But so many humans think you are the Judge at the Pearly Gates.

Peter: Ah, yes, indeed they do.

EE: Well? Are you? What are you doing if there is no judgment?

Peter: I am the Welcoming Committee.

EE: Wow. I feel dizzy! The story changed a lot from your time on earth!

Peter: Oh yes, the meaning has changed quite a bit.

EE: Do you mind?

Peter: Not at all. It kept the story alive.

EE: (Rubbing exploding egghead) I am not use to standing between these two worlds. I feel so dizzy.

Peter: I have been standing here for over 2000 years! How do you think I feel?

EE: Oh, well, yes, I guess I see your point. But I would think things would be interesting with all the dead people coming through your Gates.

Peter: I am bored with all these retreads. So is She. (Indicating with his head, beyond the Pearly Gates) The stories are all the same now.

EE is standing before Peter of The Pearly Gates. EE can’t believe she is talking to him! Can you believe it? Better yet, can EE believe it? And imagine that, he’s not the Judge! He’s really the Welcome Mat! EE could almost scream, but her egghead is pounding so best to keep her voice low.

EE: Really? So the stories have become boring?

Peter: Precisely.

Peter blinks rapidly, expecting EE to move on. EE maintains a poised-in-front-of-Peter posture and continues with her request for a few good Spirit Actors from the Guild.

EE: All right, so do you suppose you can send me a few good actors? I will need their resumes too.

Peter: No problem. SAG has many out of work Spirits right now, struggling for a good role.

EE: I have one more request. I also need a spirit that is not connected to himself here on earth.

Peter: We have A LOT of them.

EE: How about we have a meeting in my office; let’s say around 3PM tomorrow. Is that too soon?

Peter: “Soon” is a very relative term up here.

JB: Gotha.

EE just used the earth slang word “gotcha” with the guy that holds the welcome keys to the kingdom of God. EE thinks she just used up all her poised-in-front-of-Peter DNA.

Next Day

3 PM Sharp

EE’s Office

EE is sitting behind desk in office with two disembodied spirits occupying chairs across from her. Peter of the Pearly Gates sent the actor-spirits to interview for a spot in the play.

Actors:

EE as EE

Mr. K as Kuthumi Lal Singh

Mr. Gee as Saint Something or Other

Spirit Voices: Mr. K & Mr. Gee

EE: (Reading resumes) Oh wow. You two certainly come with well-rounded resumes that fit the characters. You also emanate these (silhouetting light-bodies with hands) very bright spirit-lights, gold and violet. That should work nicely on stage. Very good. This could work.

Spirit Voices: We didn’t want to disappoint you. We want the job!

EE: Let’s see (Looking at the chair emanating the Golden light-being) your resume indicates you are a “funny man”.

Mr. K: (The Golden light starts to shimmer) Yes. I am funny.

EE: (Looking over at the Violet light-being in other chair) And your resume seems quite extensive with many lifetimes on earth as, (Glancing down at resume) mysterious gentlemen, alchemist and at times a scoundrel. (Looking up) A scoundrel?

Mr. Gee: (The Violet light-being seems to shrug his shoulders) I prefer to attribute the scoundrel label to my charming ways.

EE: (Tapping fingers on desk, looking back at resumes) Interesting, very interesting. (Pausing) You both feel a bit familiar to me.

Spirit Voices: We get around!

EE: Can you follow a script?

Spirit Voices: We will do whatever you want us to do. (A conspiratorial wink between the two)

EE: Good. (Glancing up from the resumes) You will have to sign a contract. I will get my secretary to draw up the papers.

Spirit Voices: Most excellent.

EE: Do you have any questions for me?

Mr. K: Yes. How many funny lines do I have?

Mr. Gee: (Interrupting) I want some funny lines too, that always helps when award time comes around.

EE: Award time? Do you mean the Oscars?

Mr. Gee: Yes, my friend here was CP3O. He should have gotten an award for that role!

EE: (Amazed) No! Really? He was CP30 from Star Wars? It’s not on his resume.

Mr. Gee: It made him seem a little nelly, so he doesn’t want anyone to know. Besides, he doesn’t like to brag.

Mr. K: And my friend here was a Three Musketeer. (Indicating with his golden thumb) He still has a big feather plume that he snatched from the famous hat.

Mr. Gee: So true good friend (Speaking to Mr. K). I keep that feather as a keepsake of the character I once played. (Looking over at EE)  I also want to wear elaborate clothing. My contracts insist on elaborate clothing.

(EE crinkles eyes and begins to think she has a few diva-spirits on her hands.)

EE: I didn’t realize spirits also came in the diva variety.

Mr. K: (Golden light shrug) What is the story about?

EE: Good question. (Placing two scripts on the table in front of the SAG team). You should read over the script and memorize your lines.

Mr. K: Can we ad-lib?

EE: To some extent, but make sure it stays in context with the storyline.

Mr. K: (Glancing over the script) Who is this Sri Holy Man?

EE: Another good question. Sri Holy Man is very affected by his spirituality. It is a story about him finding his way back home.

Mr. K: He gets lost?

EE: Another good question. You have a flair for questions. That could work real well with this story.

Mr. Gee: (Interrupting) It looks like I will be a menace from the rafters in this Sri Holy Man’s meditation cottage. If I have to stay in the rafters I want to at least be adorned in beautiful robes. The audience needs to notice me.

EE: Yes, your character wears elaborate clothing. And your character is the nemesis that balances energies.  You’re the distributor of fortune, neither good nor bad. The main character, Sri Holy Man, will be very confused as to your role.

Mr. Gee:  Sounds like I get to be a God.  Can I be the Greek Goddess, Nemesis? She did all that stuff (waiving violet hands in air). But I really want to be a cowboy. Can we work that in? How about cowboy robes?

EE: That’s all a stretch. You aren’t necessarily playing a Goddess, more like you bring some of the “nemesis” energy to the role.

Mr. Gee (With eyes mischievously dancing). I get it. Very good.

EE: The scene will open with the ascended master; that will be the part you play Mr. K, speaking to the audience. You will be a very calm but funny teacher. Your humor is subtle and most of the time Sri Holy Man does not see the humor and takes things far too seriously.

Mr. K: Can Peter, Paul and Mary do the musical score? They haven’t had a good SAG role for quite some time.

EE: Wow, are they SAG members too? (Looking through the stack of resumes).

Mr. Gee: I know Paul really wants a part in your play. He told me he sent in his resume.

EE: (Finding Saint Paul the Apostle’s resume) It says here on his resume that he wrote letters filled with expositions on what Christians should believe and how they should behave and live.

Mr. Gee: He’s a little bored up there and hasn’t felt real connected lately. Do you suppose he could also be in the play?

EE: (Thinking) I will see what I can do.

Spirit voices: Great! When can we start?

EE: Right now.

The spirit team jump up in excitement and they both suddenly vanish from the office. EE is left standing with two unread scripts in her hands.

EE: Oh boy.

The scene ends. The lights go dim.